Kick “But” and Improve Communication

The conjunction “but” may be one of the greatest deterrents known to effective communication. Whenever we attempt to communicate an idea to another person and we add to the idea by using the word “but,” we risk essentially negating the first idea. “You did a good job, but…..” No matter what is said next, the listener is prepared to hear a negative and probably has already forgotten the first idea. “Your grades were really good this semester, but….” In the mind and heart of the listener the compliment has just been invalidated. “I love you, but….” Obviously this communication spells disaster.

It doesn’t seem to be that difficult to “kick but” out of our conversations and either replace it with “and” or simply end the sentence to convey one idea at a time. However, it is a habit of communication that rarely leaves, even when we realize how destructive it can be. It take some real effort to “kick but.”