When couples arrive at my office, they are often in a relationship crisis. Usually two-way communication has stopped or regressed to contain only senders and no receivers. The atmosphere is generally unhappy, and each person is relating largely out of negative assumptions about the other. Both people have long since stopped learning new things about the other and, therefore, neither one is feeling understood or important. It is a relationship crisis, and the couple may even b

"The Matrix" is a science fiction movie that was released in 1999. If you have not seen the film, it follows the story of Neo, a computer programmer who discovers that his reality is actually a simulated world called "The Matrix," created by advanced artificial intelligence machines to enslave humanity. Neo is approached by a group of rebels led by a man named Morpheus, who believes that Neo is the prophesied "One" who can defeat the machines and free humanity from their cont

From the day we are born till the day we die, we may struggle to understand the “what,” “where,” “when,” and “how to” of our importance to others. From the earliest age we strive to be important and special to those we love. The first moment comes when we perceive the face of our mother, and, as our vision stabilizes, we see and feel love and adoration for the first time. It “explodes” in our tiny brains giving us a feeling profound security that is permanently imprinted. Whe

Land of the Has-Been The land of the “Has-Been” is a place where all our memories reside. It is a land filled with many high mountains, deep canyons, turbulent and still waters, blue skies and terrible storms. Land of the Should-Be The land of the “Should-Be” is hazy and foggy filled with mirages that come and go. It is a land created out of wants, needs, expectations, anxieties and hopes. It can be a land of liberation or a land of imprisonment. Land of the What-Is The land

The “Fight to be Right” can begin with almost any comment, opinion, or observation. My experience is that the person who initiates the “fight” almost always does not intend to fight or even to be right. All the person wants is to express an observation, idea, or feeling. Although it usually occurs when there is a negative communication, it can also occur when the communication is positive. She says, “I am glad we remembered your mother’s birthday this year.” He says, “I thoug